I saw this poster of a gorgeous male lion. It had a full mane and was standing next to a tiny cub. The quote was, “I thought about quitting, but then I saw who was watching.” If ever I gave a poster much thought, this was the one.
My head was swarming with negative thoughts and images. If I were awake, I was in tremendous pain, so I slept 20+ hours a day. I felt horrible about myself, and the depression and anxiety did cause problems in my marriage. I thought about quitting, and then I looked at who was watching.
Influence of others
My kids would never understand how they saved my life. How could they? More importantly, I hope they never experienced foundation-crushing trauma and if I am not here to help protect them, they might. When I started looking at who was watching; It was evident, there was no way I could quit. I gained the strength to fight for my life back. I would not show them that evil wins, that life is too hard, and that it is okay to give up when it gets tricky. There are reasons for all of us to fight. Sometimes, we do have to look for it. So, with that said, this blog is my call to action to ensure I regain the “me” I am meant to be and the mom my kids deserve.
Help is available
So, if you are thinking about hurting or taking your life, get help immediately. You feel alone in this pain, but you are not. For my Vets, below is a link to the Veterans Crisis Line. Yes, I have used them, and they made it easy. Call, chat online, text; you are in control. They understand the weight you are carrying and want to help. For my much-loved civilians, the Nation Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available. You can dial 988 or click on the link for all their options. Although I have not used this service, I imagine they do great things when there is a crisis.
Want a promise? I will say, above all, you will do many great things after getting through this. I know it isn’t easy, but you are strong enough to walk through it.
Consequently, I have a lot to share. Join me? Read more…
Heather, great work! I can totally identify with this…the embarrassment, anxiety, anger, etc. For you to express your feelings on this subject is quite an accomplishment and going towards the healing process! Woohoo!
Thank you! It has been a long process, and I have miles and miles to go. But, with a newfound attitude, the blog keeping me researching/studying/learning, and the support of my new tribe, all is looking up in the world.